0:03Hello! It's nice to see you all here.
0:08Now, as the more perceptive of you have probably realized by now, this is hell.
0:17I'm the devil. Good evening.
0:21But you can call me Toby, if you like.
0:24We try to keep things informal here, as well as infernal.
0:31That's just my little joke.
0:37Now, you're all here for eternity.
0:42Which I hardly need tell you is a heck of a long time.
0:47But I'm sure you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end.
0:52But for now, I'm going to have to divide you up into groups.
0:55If that's okay. Can you hear me at the rack?
1:00Well, if you'd stop screaming, that would help.
1:04Okay. Now, murderers. Murderers.
1:07Over here, please. Thank you very much indeed.
1:14Looters and pillagers. Over here, please.
1:17Thieves, if you could join us.
1:19And lawyers, you're in that way.
1:21Yes, there's plenty of room. If the hedge fund managers would just move along a time.
1:33Fornicators, if you could step forward.
1:41My God, there are a lot of you.
1:45But first, if you could form a queue in front of that small guillotine in the corner.
2:10Look, I'm sorry about this.
2:13Apparently, God had little falling out with your founding fathers and damned the entire nation in perpetuity.
2:21He sends particular condolences to the Mormons, who he realizes put in an awful lot of work.
2:30Better mind. If you'd just like to come down here.
2:34If you'd just like to keep clear of that big space there, we're reserving for a Mr. Trump.
2:49You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits.
2:54Come down here, please.
2:57And everyone who saw Monty Python's Life of Brian.
3:08Turns out God can't take a joke after all.
3:21I'm afraid the Jews were right.
3:31Well, that's about it.
3:32Are there any questions?
3:36No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets.
3:40I don't know if you've read your Bible, but I'm afraid it's damnation without relief.
3:45If you didn't go before you came, then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much.
3:54But then I believe that's the idea.
3:57Okay, well, look, I'll see you all later at the barbecue.
4:02Or rather, on the barbecue.
4:05Um, and generally, I just hope that you all have a terrible time.
4:11Um, I'd like to leave you actually with another little joke of mine.
4:15I only know two jokes, informal, infernal, and, uh, and, and this one.
4:19And this joke goes like this.
4:38It seems to be like, oh, that's very interesting.
4:43It's just criminal error?
4:48It's just criminal error.
4:52it's just journal everything in?
4:54But you love me again.