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I would always dread the end of every night, fearing what new desires
he had in-store for the evening. Sometimes he would hurt me and tell me
to try and enjoy it then do it over and over again until I gave him exactly
what he wanted, I always resisted until I could no more, he was too
overpowering and relentless at getting the results he wanted. At other
times he could be so gentle and caress my skin, worshiping every inch of
my body, all relying upon on what mood he was in. Often though he liked
to play the teacher role and instruct me on every motion and explain what
would happen when I did those certain things to him. No matter what he
did to me I was only disgusted with myself more and more. | still shudder
at the thought of how he used my body.
I turned fourteen in August that same year and was spending my
birthday loaded on a concoction of pharmaceuticals and alcohol, being
generously supplied by the very man who swore his devotion to caring
for my every need. I didn’t even know myself any longer, completely
shying away from the girl I had grown up to be until to this point. The
apartment was empty except for me, for the time being, and that was
God’s own little present for me...some solitude for once I thought.
Pouring myself another drink I opened the sliding glass doors to the NN
balcony and walked to the edge. Looking down from the many stories \
where Ron’s apartment was, 1 wished myself a happy birthday out loud \
and wondered if my family even remembered the day’s occurrence.
Dwelling in my sadness for the fourteen years of suffering and
loneliness I had already endured, the tears swelled up in my eyes,
trickling downwards making my eyeliner inevitably leak down my
cheeks. Inside I felt so trapped and began to entertain the thought of
jumping over the edge, it all seemed much easier, and the simple
blackness that death had to offer rather than the tangled mess I was so
tired of fighting to get out of seemed a much easier approach. Detached
from wanting to feel anything, I became so numb towards my life’s own
tragedies. | couldn’t live like this any longer. I lifted my bare legs over
the edge of the railing and sat looking at the ground beneath me so close
to even just slipping off the edge to my very death. I couldn’t think of any
reason not to fall. I thought I had made too many bad decisions to keep
going on but some force of a higher nature had other things in store for
me.
The sliding door slammed open with a burst of speed and Ron scooped
me up in his big arms and brought me inside to our bedroom. Laying me
down and seeing the look of despair in my eyes from my tear stained face
he went into the bathroom cupboard and returned with three pink pills.
Forcing me to swallow them using the angered tone of his voice he
thought he was turning my sorrows into a distant dream as ! passed out in
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his tight clutches, crying myself all the way to sleep. He didn’t even ask
me what was wrong, probably because he knew already.
Soon enough the crumbling of his evil empire in the underworld of
selling sex for his own advantage began with a single crack in his perfect
scheme, and proudly it all started with me. Ron got a scare one-day and
rampaged through his apartment telling us girls to only pack our
important belongings and some clothes as we all had to leave right away.
I didn’t have much belonging to me so I basically sat there watching
everyone rush around frantically and was curious what could’ve gotten a
man like Ron so scarred. Once we were packed up and in the limo he was
trying to calm the frantic girls down after all the panic that spread through
the apartment like wildfire, | was the only one sitting there half amused at
the entire situation.
He began by assuring us that everything was going to be fine. Calmly
he continued to tell all of us packed in tightly, even for a limo, that we
were all taking a long trip to Florida’s countryside because someone has
reported an anonymous tip to the missing persons unit at the local police
station identifying a very young girl as a possible victim of abuse living
at his apartment. Ron knew what a landmine of trouble he had brought
upon himself making an exhibition out of me on the streets of Miami, I
didn’t pull off the older look like the other girls, | actually looked
younger than my age with my blue eyes and freckles always giving the
impression of my youthful innocence.
Now he just had to do whatever it took to ensure he stayed as far away
from the authorities as possible. Arriving at a ranch in central Florida
many hours later and I assumed it belonged to Ron knowing never to ask
him things like that. | knew my purpose and it wasn’t prying into his
personal life outside of the bedroom. There was a main house, a few
cottages, some staff quarters and paddocks where the horses were kept. |
was in heaven...] thought at first. Finally, something | could really enjoy.
Riding was my passion, basically growing up on the backs of horses since
I was just able to walk.
Not surprisingly I began to despise Ron and all of the girls for the
gross exploits they made me do with them. Beginning to isolate myself
from everyone I’d rather spend my time sitting under a tree watching the
horses graze, writing in my journal or painting but mostly avoiding
everyone possible unless Ron required me elsewhere. Nighttime was
always a reoccurring nightmare for me. Relived over and over again in
many various ways. Ron would always start by making me some drinks
and offering an assortment of pills before indulging himself by
grotesquely putting his genitals in my mouth and tell me how to give him
what he would call a “first-class blow-job”, and | was being judged every
minute of it. Ordering me to slowdown or speedup or maintain a perfect
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