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The most important thing for my safety is that I'm willing and able to walk away from
situations. I'm not desperate -- I won't starve or die if I don't do this work. I meet all my
clients in public first for a meal, and if someone sketches me out, I leave. I'm not so
desperate that I'll get into a situation that scares me.
I guess I am at risk if I meet a really crazy person who wants to chop me up and put me in
a dumpster. But I could meet a person like that during a normal night at a bar, too.
The major risks that I see include that I might catch an STD -- but I use protection. I
might end up alone with someone who believes that the money he's paying actually gives
him the entitlement to do whatever he wants to my body, but I've never encountered
anyone like that. The thing is, as I said before, I haven't met anyone who I think would
actually describe themselves as paying for sex. The terms on which I continue to see
these men are probably less explicitly negotiated than an escort's terms would be. I don't
have flat rates, for example.
I've heard escorts complaining that people who use sugar baby sites are unprofessional,
and I think that from an escort's perspective they probably are.
Clarisse Thorn: If people are unwilling to actually talk about sex for money, it must
be hard to negotiate your encounters. Do you have a set of steps for negotiation?
Olivia: I haven't been doing this for very long. It's varied so far. Usually, I meet them for
some kind of meal, and we chat. We have a perfunctory conversation, like -- "How was
your day?" Then one of us will say something like, "Tell me a bit more about what you're
looking for. Why are you on the site?”
Then we'll explain our deal to each other. Like, he might say: "I'm divorced, I'm looking
for companionship.” At some point, money comes up. I am always extremely vague
when I talk about money. I've found a good deal of variation in how squeamish people
are about money.
For example, one client was saying that he wanted to get married again, but not yet. I
said, "Huh, well, if you're interested in a more emotional relationship, how do you feel
about involving money?" The way he explained it to me was that people are attracted to
each other for all kinds of reasons, probably including money, so why not be up front
about the fact that money is attractive. He seemed almost confused about why I asked.
With that guy, I ended up sleeping with him before we even talked about money -- which
was a huge risk, but I thought it might work, and it did. We had the money conversation
immediately after we had sex -- at some point when we were taking a break, I asked what
he was looking for more specifically from this relationship, and he said that he wanted to
see me again, maybe once a week. I think I asked him his preference for a monthly
allowance as opposed to every time we meet, and he said he'd rather do something
monthly. Then when we were getting dressed, he pulled out $1,000 cash and handed it to
me, and said, "I'll give you the balance next time we see each other.”
With other people I can be more straightforward. Maybe they aren't sure how to set up
the relationship, so maybe I talk about another client, like: "I have another client I see 3
times per month for $3,000," and they might say, "That sounds good." But some guys
will just negotiate it per encounter. One guy brought it up very quickly after we'd
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