Personal BDSM encounter description with no political or financial context

He created the predicament when I started to cry and flinch around. It was very simple. He leaned over me. "For the next three, keep your face down and your hands still,” he said. "Promise me.” "I can't," I said. "I can't promise." I said it frantically. I was terrified of failing him. "I can't.” "You have to," he said gently. "So you will.” I cried harder. I sobbed so hard I couldn't speak. He stayed where he was, leaning over me, and kept a merciless silence. "I promise," I finally said, when I could shape words. My back was to him, I couldn't see his face, but I swear I felt him smile. When he hit me again, I barely moved. After the count of three, he said he wanted to see how much longer I could go, but the answer was that I couldn't -- I started to flinch strongly again. Of course, he kept hitting me, if only for that. But at least I hadn't broken my promise. Hadn't failed him. KK Ok I've heard about a game in which the submissive partner stands next to a wall, and holds two coins against the wall -- one in each hand. The dominant then does, you know, some stuff. On the submissive's part, dropping the coins spells failure. This sounds pretty hot, and it's one way to make a concrete predicament. But during the above encounter -- my first time being flogged -- I assure you that it was plenty hot enough without any coins. With only my promise and my awareness to keep me in line. Sometimes I can't obey the order, no matter how hard I try. My partner may order me not to move, for example, when I can't help moving. If I were in the above scenario, with the coins, I'm not confident that I wouldn't drop them. It's scary -- especially if I love him, because then all the emotions are multiplied. But even if I'm not in love -- as long as he's got me in the right mental space, then if I fail, I will say "I'm sorry” over and over. I'll be terrified of his anger; I'll feel like I deserve punishment, and if he doesn't keep hurting me I'll feel abandoned. The more I fail, the more it hurts -- more than physical pain ever could. Slamming up against my own limits makes me feel terribly inadequate. It's hot, but it's dangerous; it can rip me apart. At times like that, I often need my partner to tell me after we're done: "I still like you and think you're a good person.” And sometimes I need to hear that especially if I safeword out of the encounter, because sometimes -- not always, but sometimes -- calling my safeword can feel like the worst failure of all. KK ok When I trace some of the weirdest and most random situations that get me hot, I see that predicaments come up all the time. For example, I have a terrible tendency to try and make out with a partner right before we're expected to be somewhere. I might be totally cold 30 minutes before we have to leave, but 10 minutes before we have to leave, ding! It's like a switch flips. We've got to leave, but I grab him and now he's turned on, oh no! HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018636