Personal reflections on polyamory and emotional boundaries

analyzing personal connections -- I want to do more of that, even when there are emotional risks. What's past that emotion? What's under my heart? How much can I feel for another person, and in what ways can I manage that? Which part of my mind will catch me if I end up going over the edge? Will anything? te OK ok And so, even though I have a good sense of my boundaries, I also occasionally have the sense that anything could happen. This is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is quite tame, like with my current polyamorous leanings. When I was at dinner with my father, he gently expressed concern about how being polyamorous might affect me emotionally. He wasn't trying to tell me what to do -- just that he’s having trouble understanding where I'm at. "For me," he said, "sexual relationships encourage emotional attachment,” and talked about how he bonds with one person at a time. He added, "I simply find that if my relationship is truly satisfying, I don't want more than one; I can't convince myself to be interested in more than one partner.” I used to feel the same way. Dad knows it, and I know it; we've said these things before. It's not like I don't understand how he feels -- I totally do. And there's no guarantee that, over the course of experimenting with polyamory, I won't bond with a partner in a way that feels monogamous -- and then get hurt if they won't be monogamous with me. I'm not convinced that I'll feel completely secure as I continue to pursue polyamory. Recently I had one difficult morning that featured two simultaneous breakups, and that was a bit much to deal with! In short, I'm not certain that polyamory is my ideal. But I'm also no longer certain that it's not. And I'm really enjoying trying it out. Here's the thing: I'm not sure what I'm thinking... but that's okay. I know I could end up getting hurt... and that's okay. I could get my heart broken: that's what you risk when you experiment with the alchemy of your own emotions, your hormones, your body, your self. But I'm watching myself and being careful and communicating as clearly as I possibly can, and it seems to be going fine. And if poly really doesn't work out for me, I can go back to monogamy. And hey, at least if I do get my heart broken, it's something else to analyze obsessively and then write about! That's something to look forward to. KK ok This can be found on the Internet at: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2010/12/13/slogan-you-dont-always-know-what-youre- thinking/ HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018646