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Mara Reinhardt Victim Impact Statement August 19, 2021
For those who know me, you know that being up here today is one of the most frightening things
I have ever done. | am an incredibly shy, private, and guarded person. In school | was too shy to raise my hand, even when | knew the answer to a question. | am here today for my children. Iam here for our safety and for our protection from Nathan Ballard. The attack on October 17, 2020 was only one of many scary incidents that occured in the 6
year tumultuous, frightening, unpredictable, and frequently dangerous relationship with my husband, Nathan Ballar. That night when | saw our 4 year old daughterJEEElay in bed arms flailing, struggling to breathe as Nate helda large pilow over her, leaning on it with his ful weigh, | knew this would be the fat incident. What | didn't know was whether | would be able to pull him off offlllllbefore she stopped breathing. He could have kiled her and had | not been there, there is no doubt in my mind that he would have.
IEE cighed a mere 40 pounds. Nate, a strong 200+ pound man, fortified by a narcissistic, sociopathic fury and an unprovoked, bind, rational rage that | knew all too well, was attacking her, shouting and huring profanities. He was calling her a cunt and a bitch (names he frequently
called me). Nate's unbeliovable defense is that hefe “asioeponJEJEhis defense is supposedly supported by[lll traumatized comment to the Napa County Detective that she thought he.
‘was snoring. It is ludicrous. It is infuriating. It isa lie...and if given credence, it is a lie that puts us in danger long beyond this Court hearing today. What Nate has not shared abouSE
statement to the detectives is that she also said she could not breathe, that she was calling out for help from me, and that her chest hurt. [Illexpianation that her dad was snoring was because the nex! moming, | had told her that the terrible thing that happened fast night was because her dad had COVID, he was so tired, it was the sickness that made him do tha to her. 1150 told her we had to stay locked in the bedroom to keep away from his germs. This is what |
told her to protect her and explain a big scary thing. I's not because it was anywhere close to
‘what she truly knew had happened.
Nate's version is the convenient storyof a powerful, extremely experienced public relations expert and trained attorney. I is torrying because| am certain that Nate's privileged arrogance makes him confident that he i getting away with this.
To this day, | relive the trauma of his shouting and rage after pushing me into the glass door as. apart with exertion to atcBest Ti se snd ne SEDor velvet picked up a pillow and placed it on top of her with his dead weight.As[Illlwas struggling to breathe|mustered all my strength and was able to kick and push him offfffand run into another room where my 3-year-oid son was sleeping and lock the door. The day before the attack, | knew from the minute Nate arrived in Napa that he was dangerous. 1 called my mom in tears because | was upset that he came. He showed up with a look in his eye that | had seen many times before and feared that things would escalate quickly. This look is one that indicates he is ready for battle. | spent the enti afteroon and evening trying fo
appease him and calm him down as he called me a cunt, a bitch, a whore as his words and body language became more vile, aggressive, erratic, and scary. What occurred when Nate went formewas far more than a mere “bump on the head as a result of being shoved into a
glass door” There is no doubt in my mind that in the final charge towards me, as he had his. hands in the air aimed at my neck, that Nate would have killed me that night.
This was not a romantic family getaway gone awry in any way shape or form. This was not an argument that got out of hand. This was Nate in one of hs familar but more intense and unprovoked rages. As Nate screamed “Fuck you. Fuck [Ill Fuck” | knew that| had to protect myself and that | had to protect my two young children. While Nate's rage that night was common, he had clearly crossed the line. It was a line that | allowed to be moved too many times. | realized that had become inured to his violence. | vowed it would never happen again.
This is the firs time | have been in the presence of my husband since that incident, 10 months. ago. This is the first time | have spoken in public about that evening. This is the first time that |
have allowed daylight into the dark comers of ou relationship.
Calling the police (something | had never done before though it certainly had been warranted and he had been warmed) put into motion a series of events that ed to being n this courtroom today. All of this is something | would never have imagined, although | am not surprised. | feel numb today and have felt numb through most of our relationship. It is my wayofcoping with my fear for the safety of my children and myself.
To the public, Nate and I had a successful marriage: two beautiful children and a nice home in Marin County, all the trappings of a happy lie
However, what went on behind closed doors was as far as one could travel from the public image. It was an unrelenting nightmare. Nate's volatile, erratic, frightening behavior was the constant horror in our relationship.
Nate's behavior the night of October 17, 2020 was not an aberration, as he would have everyone believe. It had nothing to do with his father dying or with alcohol. This type of behavior started long before hi father's passing. He was ike this during hisyearsof sobriety. This is who he is.
ost my way in our relationship and allowed Nate to do unspeakable things to me. | became the shield for our children, hoping that if | bore the brunt of his rage, he would leave them alone. twas an ilusory deal | made with myself. | vowed to put the safety of my children first. | made the decision to stay in the marriage 0 as to never have my children alone with Nate and for fear of what he would do 10 us if we left
Nate isolated me from my friends and eventually my family. He would show up unannounced ‘when | was with a friend or sister, and stay until left At public events, he would never let me out of his site. Even when | went to the bathroom he would follow me and wait outside.
Professionally, Nate wouldn't allow meto work, he stifled my career. He would not allow me to train certain clients, forbidding me from training professional athletes. He told me that | was a
disgusting cunt and that training them would ruin his image. That people would think his wife is disgusting. He said that Black people are thugs and they will rape me. He had our mail involving finances sent to his office so that | could not see it. He controlled everything.
1know that Nate, who earns a substantial living as a public relations expert, is a master spin doctor and would have the Court, the public, and probation believe this was a one-time event Id feel less shame, less regret, less erosion of myself if it were.
During our marriage, | left our home countless times, fearing for my safety and for the safety of cur ccran Bvas 6 monte ot when Nato ret 196 me tat of him, ho would Kil me and il {fll From that moment, | fel rapped. | sil wake up in a panic o jump at any sound at night thinking that it is Nate. | used to never know what personality of Nate would walk in the door, nor when he might turn on a dime once he was home. It was like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, never knowing what would set him off. | was in constant highalertto protect my children and myself. | often felt sucker punched because my efforts to Support and appease him were never enough.At mes, | could sense when he was going to be aggressive or have “episodes” and leamed to be prepared to pack up the kids and head to my mom's oroutof town for even weeks ata time. But his behavior was never predictable. | wouldbe woken up in my sleep with him in my face, blocking my way so that | could not leave a room. |lived with him telling me what he would do to me if | ever left him or told anyone about the abuse.
I spent years protecting his image, the one thing that Nate lives to promote and protect. | would have to show up at social events, political events and fundraisers because |would suffer the consequences if I did not attend. He would tell me that he didn’ like what people would think of him if | were not there or if people thought he did not have a wife. | would haveto go and sing his praises only to come home have him be angry and abusive. He would try to make me to have sex and if | refused, | was scared he would punish me or my kids. | would lock myself in their room to hide from Nate.
Iwas always particularly concerned about my daughter. He always said that looking at her was like looking at a mini Mara. He often said, “The men are going to love her. It felt disgusting and
creepy. Illhad a difficult relationship with Nate and was never excited to see him and this. infuriated him. | lived in fear of Nate's moodiness and wrath if the kids did not greet him or act in away that he demanded. They are very young yet they intuitively shied away and worried. They would cry and beg menotto leave on the rare occasions that Nate wasleftalone with them. When | left them with Nate for even a quick errand the kids would often be quiet and upsetin fsrooms with the door closed. When | asked what was wrong they would tll mo
and show me wherea part on their body was hurting and say that Nate did it. [IllancIIR told me that Nate hit them. When Nate was in the house they would not leave my side. J
though the youngest, is sensitive and seems to have perceived this every bit as much as his sister, perhaps even more.
My daughter J is a direct victim of this horrific crime and of hispriorabuses. As her mom and protector, | will put myself inside her and be her voice today in this courtroom in front of you
all. 1 will try to share some of what she has shared with me and what she has felt since this attack.
To nisday,Jssays that she cannot breathe at bedtime, often waking in the ight n sobs and confusion. For months ater thisattack,Jlfwould have panic attacks afraid that Nate will ome and find her, ind us. She would not leave my side. Both children's bodies completely freeze at the sightof a black Tesla, Nate's car. [Jfsks meif we are safe from Nate and says that if he sees him that he will shoot him so that he cannot hurt usanymoreJIE, entirely independently, has completely erased any sign of Nate (tearing out his photos from her baby book, removing anything, even a magazine label, that has his name.) Occasionally, she will spontaneously share what happened to her with her preschoolteacher and other trusted people.
Not long after theattack,JJillllwas playing at my sister's house. She puta pilow over one of the dolr's faces and placed the dolls arms reaching up in the air re-enacting what she experienced that night.
Since the dayof the attack, more things have surfaced from both of the children. To my horror, |
am realizing the weight of the words “out of the mouths of babes.” They knew. They fel it They were fearful of Nate, which he resented deeply. When Child Protective Services came to the house after the restraining order was put in place, it was like the floodgates opened.
One example haunts me. When CPS interviewed|Jilllltne second time, she recalled when Nate had pushed her off a slide and she had to go o the hospitalto get staples in her head.
had quickly ran to the store and came home to find Nate on the phone and [Jill sitting outside by herself quietly crying. She told me he pushed her off the slide. She had blood in the back of her head. | asked him what happened and he said she fell. He also hadn't checked her head and supposedly didn't know she was bleeding. When | asked him what happened, he grew angry and left the house.
Aer teting CPS,Illooked at me and said “Mama, now do you believe me?”
EEcringes when she hears the last name Ballard, and justa few days after this incident she insisted that Ballard is not her last name. The suffering, pain, confusion that Nate has caused Jvil ast a ifetime. While [Jill]was not attacked on the night of October 17° had | not run into his room, he undoubtedly would have been a victim too. Nate's bind rage does not discriminate.
Nate always makes sure that everyone knows that he is highly connected to powerful people: The Governor, The Vice President, various Congressmen and Women, Senators, Mayors, SF Police Chief, District Attorneys, many more people of influence in both the political and private world. He was writlen up as one of the 10 most powerful people in San Francisco. He never let me forget it While| recoil being under the spotlight, Nate lives for it Nate's image is the only thing he genuinely cares about. Long after we leave here today, | know that Nate will spend his
Ife trying to spin yet another story, o destroy me, the children, and most likely anyone associated with this case.
ask that the Courts do all that it can to protect me and my children. They are innocents. They have no agenda. | wish that they could simply be left alone and protected as long as they are minors. They deserve to have a happy, secure, and safe childhood.
The last thing that I'd like to say is as importantto me as anything that | have said in this statement. Thank you to the Detectives for treating a very scared child with kindness. Thank you, Your Honor, and to the Courts for your time and commitment in tryingtofind justice under awful circumstances. Thank you to Amanda Bevinsfor encouraging me to be brave. And my deepest thanks to District Attorney Kecia Lind for your professionalism and for believing in me.